Relationships and Mental Illness

I know there are people who diligently do their duty, stay married and all that. I don’t see how they do it. Maybe there is a huge difference when the person owns their illness. I don’t know, because that’s not how it is in my life.

“Isn’t not my fault,” is a statement containing a limited amount of truth. Our lives are not defined by our genetics. Our lives are defined by our choices. As in – I choose to ride the motorcycle without a helmet. I choose to play games in traffic. I choose to lie to doctors, family and friends. I choose to say terrible things to the people I’m closest to.

So that leaves me with choices of my own.

There’s nothing easy in the way I choose to live from this point forward. This is going to suck, but not as bad as doing the same things over and over, expecting different results. 

Today is not just another day. Today is The Day to make as many sane choices as I can. That’s not really a big deal.

But choosing to do the sane thing today, will make tomorrow just a little bit easier. 

One step at a time, going forward, not backwards.

Cautious Hope

I thank you all for the well-wishes.

My brother has come from Seattle to help me figure out how the nursing home works. I’ve learned a lot in a very short time. Unfortunately, there is much more to learn.

However, there is good news!

My Dad has gotten much stronger than I expected. He is still struggling with issues of brain damage from the stroke. However, he’s eating, which is a huge improvement, and the Physical Therapy is going well. 

I have discovered that I don’t like nursing homes. I don’t like the way they are always short-staffed. I don’t like the tremendous expense associated with them. I don’t like strangers taking care of my Dad.

Most of all, I don’t like the fact that I have a tendency to break out into teeth and claws when he’s not take care of the way I feel he should be treated.

When it comes to him and his care, I’m not a nice person. I’m a raving bitch.

I’m not proud of that. It’s kind of embarrassing. 

Still, we managed to get him the bladder cancer surgery he needed. The doctor used the laser like a scrub brush to abrade away the cancer cells. Dad was back to his room the same day. He slept yesterday, and was fine today. I’m pleased, it was a load off my mind!

Thanks again for the well-wishes!

Sorry for the Silence

I am sorry that I haven’t updated this blog in over a month.

My father had a stroke and is in a nursing home, an ordeal by itself.

However, I was also forced to leave Jordan’s Croft, by my husband’s mental health issues.

Everything is up in the air.

I’ve decided to do no blogging on these issues. I’ve got a couple of books to finish, so that’s what I’m doing.

I’m okay, for now, just displaced and very, very angry.